Wednesday, June 20, 2012

tomorrow is moving day and well today is moving day as well.

So I haven't written in a few days but it's been crazy busy.... tomorrow is moving day and well today is moving day as well. The movers are on their way now to load up my furniture and head to Jacksonville, FL and I will be leaving tomorrow morning. I have decided not to drive straight through... I know me at hour 6 of driving I am falling asleep so I will be stopping half way and staying overnight and then getting an early start Friday into Jacksonville. Man I can't believe how fast this is happening. Keep me in your prayers... i will try to post at my halfway point but if not see you in Jacksonville!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Ok so its 4 days till moving day and well packing is really a lot of work… but every day I do a little more than the day before and I am somewhat seeing progress… I repeat somewhat…lol. So I am headed to Jacksonville, Fl… My home church is there so I am very excited about this.. but the person I just got my heart broken from is also there… But I know I will be ok… God knows better than me and I can’t just not move there because I will see him… He’s not the reason I was moving there anyway… I am really psyched about my new job… This will be the most money I have ever made and it’s doing something that is on the straight path to my career goals. So I have been doing some self evaluations and stability is the word of this new chapter… Fallon has to live Fallon’s life for God…. Not anyone else’s.. It is so important to make sure you are living your life and aware that your journey is exactly that…yours. It will not look; taste or sound like anyone else’s…That is a good thing believe it or not… We end up in crazy situations and cause ourselves a lot of pain when we attempt to live a life that is not ours.
I have not lived in one place for more than 9 months since I was 19 and I am now 29..that is 10 years of a LOT of moving. I have moved for all the right motives and wrong reasons and all the wrong reasons and right motives..just bouncing from place to place trying to find where I belong. When I got to Jacksonville I started going to a very awesome church and the Word was good and I met a lot of awesome people and it was everything I needed…UNTIL the little demonic spirit of offense reared its ugly head and boy it has a way of sneaking up on you. I admit I have always dealt with that demon but man it was on me hard and it got me.. .I turned away from and everyone started doing crazy stuff… got off my antidepressant medication.. (We will get into that later) and just isolated myself from everyone and everything that could help me. I was still kind of going to church..kind of. The messages were eating at me and I was just uncomfortable. I found myself in a relationship I had no business in (we will leave it at that for now) and I decided I am done with this place and I moved back to VA. That was May of 2011… it didn’t take long for me to feel completely empty and the tugging of the Lord on my heart. You see by this time I had had way too much Word in me to dive fully back into the world. I started reading my bible more, visiting churches (it’s really hard to find bible teaching churches) and then Ichurching between my pastor and another pastor, which happens to be my pastor’s spiritual father. I had started to consider moving back because I felt that tug that I was never released… I even went to visit and was like naw I am not going to move back.. I still had some of that offense in me, I had already moved away and moved back before…what would people think. (word for the unwise get delivered from what people think)Then it was still tugging on me and I got with the Lord and just asked him to deal with my heart and I made the decision to go back. Relationships here with my family had dramatically improved and I felt like this would be the time… I had left VA in an uproar with my family. I am what you would call a runner. I run when I can’t stand it anymore and sadly I had got to the place where I was getting healing and wisdom and revelation on the areas in my life that needed this and I allowed the enemy and my flesh to run me from my break through.
Relationships have always been the enemy’s way of trying to turn my heart. This past “relationship” was with a God fearing man..everything seemed on the up and up with him. He told me he knew I was his wife and this was God and I was convinced and he was convinced and then he just out the blue nicely said… all those things I said I wanted well I need to get my life where I want it…hold please while I do that… SERIOUSLY… but yes seriously he said that and I was crushed but I know from experience God knows better than me… I believe it was a God opinion but maybe our flesh just couldn’t overcome circumstances maybe we let our flesh ruin it because we weren’t on guard for the enemy. May it wasn’t God.. but I believe it was and I had the conversation with God… I want to work things out with him, I still want to do all the things we planned so Lord I am putting my faith on this that whatever issues that are in our lives be worked out and him and I work it out and continue… I put my faith for this to happen, but I also told God that I trust Him and if that never happens, if we never get back together and if it was just Me and God for the rest of my life… That would be just fine with me…because God always provides and He knows better than me… If you are going through a break up and that need to know why is assaulting your mind repeatedly. I encourage you to listen to “when the hurt and the healer collide”, read the story of Joseph in the bible and GET BUSY… the best thing to do in any kind of break up is get busy…words of wisdom from my spiritual mother.. She is in Jacksonville and I look forward to being able to see her and spend time with her…  Stay tuned and lets overcome together

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Today June 16, 2012 I start this blog, as a Single Woman who just got her heart broken, yet a single woman who believes in God and His Word...but broken hearted, a single woman who wants to share my life with others so they know that they are not alone... One thing that I had to come to was a point of realization and revelation... after day 14 of being heartbroken I came to the conclusion I am not going to go through another year or two year healing process from a broken heart.. Just not going to happen... not when my God has given to me so freely restoration and healing of a broken heart that I can have NOW and not after sulking time away that I will never get back... So I decided day 14, which was 2 days ago that I would be Healed now, this is not my first heart break or disappointment, this not even my first heart break with this person, this is not my first trial or tribulation I have ever been through...and each time I can always look back and see GOD KNEW BETTER THAN ME!! God's love was made perfect in my weakness each time.. I decided I was going to pick myself up and fall in God in rest in Him... I know he has my best interest at hand and if this is not it than He has something GREATER! So today I start this blog and I dedicate it to every single woman and man, who has no kids like myself, or has kids at home or at a distance…going through life I dedicate this to you and I say never belittle the hand of God on your life, for He loves you more than anyone else, and He sees you…So if we can just put our WHOLE heart in his hands…not just the pieces we don’t mind surrendering…then He is able to make us WHOLE, and our trials can be less painful and our recovery can be quick. So I encourage you today as you read this blog to share this with anyone that needs to hear this. STAY encouraged in the Lord and let his love be made perfect in your weakness. NEVER take for granted the power of the Savior…

I am about to end one chapter in my life and start a new one. Though the location of the new chapter is familiar aka not too new… it is truly a new chapter, a new mission… I am moving once again from VA to Jacksonville, FL. Apparently I have not been released from there or I was called back either way it’s 5 days till moving day. So as I am packing am encouraging myself in the Lord and to the best of my ability ending this chapter on a good note with love and finality. I think the things I came back to VA to do and settle up on have been accomplished and I can build from here. And I can wrap up this chapter and embrace the next one…knowing there will be challenges and struggles, but more importantly knowing my God is bigger that all of them. Hebrews 4:15-16 amplified version this scripture has been my encouragement and I challenge you to look this scripture up right now and let it minister to you. One of my favorite songs says “We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the WORDS of our testimonies” Well this blog will be the Words of my testimony.