Sunday, June 17, 2012

Ok so its 4 days till moving day and well packing is really a lot of work… but every day I do a little more than the day before and I am somewhat seeing progress… I repeat somewhat…lol. So I am headed to Jacksonville, Fl… My home church is there so I am very excited about this.. but the person I just got my heart broken from is also there… But I know I will be ok… God knows better than me and I can’t just not move there because I will see him… He’s not the reason I was moving there anyway… I am really psyched about my new job… This will be the most money I have ever made and it’s doing something that is on the straight path to my career goals. So I have been doing some self evaluations and stability is the word of this new chapter… Fallon has to live Fallon’s life for God…. Not anyone else’s.. It is so important to make sure you are living your life and aware that your journey is exactly that…yours. It will not look; taste or sound like anyone else’s…That is a good thing believe it or not… We end up in crazy situations and cause ourselves a lot of pain when we attempt to live a life that is not ours.
I have not lived in one place for more than 9 months since I was 19 and I am now 29..that is 10 years of a LOT of moving. I have moved for all the right motives and wrong reasons and all the wrong reasons and right motives..just bouncing from place to place trying to find where I belong. When I got to Jacksonville I started going to a very awesome church and the Word was good and I met a lot of awesome people and it was everything I needed…UNTIL the little demonic spirit of offense reared its ugly head and boy it has a way of sneaking up on you. I admit I have always dealt with that demon but man it was on me hard and it got me.. .I turned away from and everyone started doing crazy stuff… got off my antidepressant medication.. (We will get into that later) and just isolated myself from everyone and everything that could help me. I was still kind of going to church..kind of. The messages were eating at me and I was just uncomfortable. I found myself in a relationship I had no business in (we will leave it at that for now) and I decided I am done with this place and I moved back to VA. That was May of 2011… it didn’t take long for me to feel completely empty and the tugging of the Lord on my heart. You see by this time I had had way too much Word in me to dive fully back into the world. I started reading my bible more, visiting churches (it’s really hard to find bible teaching churches) and then Ichurching between my pastor and another pastor, which happens to be my pastor’s spiritual father. I had started to consider moving back because I felt that tug that I was never released… I even went to visit and was like naw I am not going to move back.. I still had some of that offense in me, I had already moved away and moved back before…what would people think. (word for the unwise get delivered from what people think)Then it was still tugging on me and I got with the Lord and just asked him to deal with my heart and I made the decision to go back. Relationships here with my family had dramatically improved and I felt like this would be the time… I had left VA in an uproar with my family. I am what you would call a runner. I run when I can’t stand it anymore and sadly I had got to the place where I was getting healing and wisdom and revelation on the areas in my life that needed this and I allowed the enemy and my flesh to run me from my break through.
Relationships have always been the enemy’s way of trying to turn my heart. This past “relationship” was with a God fearing man..everything seemed on the up and up with him. He told me he knew I was his wife and this was God and I was convinced and he was convinced and then he just out the blue nicely said… all those things I said I wanted well I need to get my life where I want it…hold please while I do that… SERIOUSLY… but yes seriously he said that and I was crushed but I know from experience God knows better than me… I believe it was a God opinion but maybe our flesh just couldn’t overcome circumstances maybe we let our flesh ruin it because we weren’t on guard for the enemy. May it wasn’t God.. but I believe it was and I had the conversation with God… I want to work things out with him, I still want to do all the things we planned so Lord I am putting my faith on this that whatever issues that are in our lives be worked out and him and I work it out and continue… I put my faith for this to happen, but I also told God that I trust Him and if that never happens, if we never get back together and if it was just Me and God for the rest of my life… That would be just fine with me…because God always provides and He knows better than me… If you are going through a break up and that need to know why is assaulting your mind repeatedly. I encourage you to listen to “when the hurt and the healer collide”, read the story of Joseph in the bible and GET BUSY… the best thing to do in any kind of break up is get busy…words of wisdom from my spiritual mother.. She is in Jacksonville and I look forward to being able to see her and spend time with her…  Stay tuned and lets overcome together

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